OK- This is an unorthodox “Bell Let’s Talk” mental health day smorgasbord of which 90% is a children’s book. Don’t be afraid. Read on.
It has admittedly been a couple rough weeks. The damage to my kidneys is severe and not reversible- approximately 90% of it is scarred. My clinic visit continues to show a decline and at some point in the near future, my kidneys will fail and treatment will become supportive.
The prospect of dialysis or another transplant is horrifying to me. On top of it all, it’s going to cost us about $40 K to replace all the teeth I had to have removed……So much about my life has changed in the last few years and I feel like I am grieving the loss of so many aspects of it quite heavily still…
I have worked very hard with a diverse range of amazing support people who have helped me keep fighting. But the bottom line is… I’m getting tired. I’m overwhelmed. I’m traumatized. I’m feeling ready to throw in the towel.
That’s when I see the book. I had grabbed a few off the shelf already in the gift store when I spotted one with a Big blue train on the cover.
I Always loved Thomas as a kid so I grabbed it for my niece and nephew. In one of those weird power of connectedness moments as I sat waiting for my ride I flipped open the book and read and began to cry.
I NEEDED to hear these words today. These EXACT words.
So if anyone else does too, here you go:
“I Knew You Could” by Craig Dorfman
I knew you could, and you knew it too-
That you’d come out on top after all you’ve been through.
And from here you’ll go farther and see brand new sights,
You’ll face brand-new hills that rise to new heights.
I wish I could show you the stops that you’ll visit,
but that isn’t my choice to make for you is it?
Instead, I can tell you some lessons and tales,
that I’ve learned and relearned in my time on the rails.
First of all you must find your own track,
so you can start right away, and not be held back.
But which tracks is yours?
Well that all depends, on which way it’s going and where it might end.
Different tracks wind around, over, under and through,
so pick out the one that works best for you.
Though the track you start out on may feel like “The One,”
you might take a few more before you are done.
And now with your eyes on your new destination,
start up your wheels and roll out of the station.
On your new trip you’ll make plenty of stops,
in deep river valleys and on high mountain tops.
Some will surprise you and some will be planned,
and you’ll roll through each one saying- I think I can.
You’ll go through tunnels, surrounded by dark-
and you’ll wish for a light or even a spark.
You might get scared or a little bit sad,
wondering if maybe your track has gone bad.
So here’s some advice, to help ease your doubt:
the track you took in must also go out.
So steady yourself and just keep on going-
before you know it some light will be showing.
And then you’ll be out, heading to a new place,
you’ll be ready for the next tunnel you face.
Sometimes you’ll look up and see planes in the sky,
and you’ll think to yourself- “I wish I could fly.”
The cars on the roads will seem quick and free-
you’ll feel stuck on your track and think “I wish that were me.”
But the plane might wish it could get out of the air,
saying “I wish I could travel like that train down there.”
The cars will watch as you speed right along,
and they’ll say to each other “look how fast and how strong!”
Don’t worry about not being a car or a plane,
just enjoy the journey you’ll take as a train.
Don’t be afraid to toot your own horn,
If you need to be heard or there are people to warn.
Or if being yourself just makes you so proud,
that you want to share it and sing it out loud.
You’ll follow your track through twists and through bends,
And stop at new stops and pick up new friends.
They’ll all come aboard with smiles and greetings,
you’ll have such great times with the people you’re meeting.
On the days when you’re sad and feel you can’t go,
speak up and ask a friend for a tow.
That’s what friends do, so don’t be afraid,
You’d do the same if your friend needed aid.
You might stop at some stops that you never have toured,
and look for new friends but they won’t come aboard.
So you’ll have to head out with a creak and a groan,
setting out once again on your track all alone.
Try to remember that the world is so wide,
full of all kinds of people with their own trains to ride.
Just stay true to yourself as you travel your track,
with no second guessing and no looking back.
Once you’re on the right track you’ll probably say-
“This one is mine, I’m here to stay”
Try to enjoy the track that you choose-
Stop now and then to take in the views.
If you rush forward, as a general rule,
Before you arrive, you could run out of fuel.
Don’t overwork, but save up some strength,
That way every day you can travel great lengths.
You’ll need all that strength on the days when you’re stuck,
or tired, or sad, or just out of luck.
When your belief in yourself doesn’t feel quite so pure,
and your “I think I can” doesn’t sound quite so sure,
That’s when to push and to strive, and to strain,
to show the world you’re not a giving up train.
And you’re wise if you know that you’re doing your
best means that sometimes you should just slow down and rest.
Speeding through your whole trip will bring only sorrow,
So slow down today to be happy tomorrow.
There’s some more about life that you’ll learn as you go,
because figuring things out on your own helps you grow.
Just trust in yourself, and you’ll climb every hill,
Say, “I think I can!” and you know what?
You will. <3